Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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