I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
