yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
