Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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