he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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