nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I didn't notice because vodka
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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