who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
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