I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
