Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
