It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
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