Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
