My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
