He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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