tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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