why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
