And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
