His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
time to smoke my breakfast
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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