Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
