That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
