my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
