So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
