I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
im calling her cock vulture from now on
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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