You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
