maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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