help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
