no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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