What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
