so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
this will be a night to untag.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
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