Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
