someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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