kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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