on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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