You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
