the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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