chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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