Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
