I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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