Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
