You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My vagina is officially offended.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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