HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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