Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize