I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
They took my balls.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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