Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I party with great urgency now.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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