eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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