I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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