i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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