I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
