Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
