just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
