the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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