I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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