He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
