There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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