That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
