I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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