dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize