I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
