lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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