Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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