my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
