Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
