my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
