carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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