It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
