we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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