I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
