haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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