idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
