I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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