Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
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