you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
