Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
