i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
