LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
