the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize