I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize