She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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