Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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