oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
