I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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