Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
