You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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